Not Always The Obvious.

Around this time last year, The Morrigan came into my life. With that said, her first task for me was to discover WHICH aspect was contacting me and I thought the answer was obvious based upon the clues she gave me. “Anu”. The reason being for this was in my dream meeting her, she showed me an image of my personal copy of “The Mabinogion” and my mind instantly shifted to the Welsh goddess Dôn.

Dôn+Danu=ANU in my mind.

The clue seemed so obvious, yet was it really? I ask because since that initial meeting I never received physical signs from the Morrigan in my day-to-day life causing me to question my experience. I finally (maybe) found out tonight, the answer isn’t always the obvious and my blog name “Steeds of Macha” is so ironic in this situation. The clue was “Rhiannon”. The answer is Macha, and I’ve felt and seen her presence for years before I even knew what polytheism was.

Let us take a look at Macha and Rhiannon for a minute. Both are “celtic” deities (albeit from different cultures) who are extremely similar in nature. Both are sovereign, otherworldly, horse goddesses associated with death, fertility, and transformation. Both are also titled as ‘great queens’ and potentially associated with ‘fae’ (don’t quote me of that one) Whats even more fascinating to me is how similar their stories are when you read between the lines given the hardships they went through. I feel confident finally that this is the potential answer and the message that needed to cross my way.

UPG/Personal Experiences:

After giving food and incense offerings specifically to Macha, I felt an immediate and overwhelming presence during prayer. I felt a rather kind and patient goddess, obviously a mother figure. I felt the waves of the Irish sea along the plains. I felt the breeze of the open air. Most of all, I felt her kindness and reassurance that I am welcome among her ranks. She felt very hospitable and open.

After closing prayer, I drew a few cards and to my amazement, I felt she was very compassionate about the recent passing of my aunt (I told her, but I was surprised after giving myself a few minutes to read the cards that was her message) her feedback on that was the fact that death is obviously a natural part of life, however I shouldn’t let it completely weight me down and that the sun always shines after an ending. This is obviously my interpretation and prone to error.

I’m extremely excited to see where my relationship with Macha heads. On a last note, I wanted to share a funny story. Around six years ago when I still identified as Catholic and didn’t know the old gods “existed”, I looked out my window and literally saw a miniature horse run in and out of my front yard galloping about. Now, I live in farmlands where neighbors have horses… but I never knew any of them to have that specific breed. Who knows, maybe one got loose and decided to give me a visit. Maybe I was seeing things. But deep down I like to think that was just the beginning and someone was certainly watching. I’ve felt “horse” energy for years but never knew why. Kind of makes me wonder… either way when I told Macha these stories during prayer I could feel her smile knowingly 😉

Thanks for reading.

 

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Until We Meet Again.

My aunt passed away yesterday on my birthday and lost her 12 year battle with breast cancer. Wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, and friend. You will be dearly missed and were an important addition to my family. While we’re not blood related, you are none the less still welcome among my personal ancestor veneration. There was no question about that. I hope you’re sewing and baking with my grandmother now… wherever ya’ll are.

 

Rest in power…

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Recent Going Ons… PT 2

I know it’s pretty soon (only hours apart) to make another entry but after sitting down and thinking about things for a bit I wanted to share a few more tidbits:

cw: death

Lately I’ve been feeling very sad and it’s affecting my practice. I feel I’m going through either a transition or a fallow time and I’ll explain in the best way possible. Many people around me whether directly or indirectly are dying. Every day on my facebook feed, someone has unexpectedly died in a fellow friend’s life. For me, I received news last night my Aunt has only three weeks left to live as cancer has finally taken its toll on her. In a strange way, I feel this is all indirectly affecting my mood… sounds crazy, but hear me out.

Fall is coming and for me it is a time of personal and even physical transition and death. Incidentally, as I’m typing this out I just realized this all may be a sign Marzanna is very much here. UPG/SPG: I hear she tends to show up when even literal death shows up in one’s life, thus why my mood is so wacky recently. I think it’s pretty obvious now Marzanna is here as her time comes closer and closer among us. It needs to be addressed obviously, but I’m not sure what choice to make yet… I guess it’s a fear of the unknown and making the wrong decision. I asked my friend to divine for me since I’m not great at always doing so myself. And the good news it Morrigan supports my endeavors with Marzanna so long as I’m making the choice that makes me happiest. That personally brings me comfort.

Anyways, I think I may have to dedicate a shrine/altar to Marzanna.

Relevant music in my life:

 

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Recent Going Ons…

Initially I wanted to keep this a secret and I’ve been keeping it a secret for a while now. However, I feel my followers (all 4 of you lol) deserve to know whats going on… or at least let me get this out for some peace of mind.

Veles and Marzanna, mostly Marzanna, have come back into my life. I’ve been receiving recurring dreams with Marzanna to get a message across to me and that message itself is a calling to come back “home”.

What is “home”?

Two years ago I dived into slavic polytheism pretty hardcore. I was initially “called” by Veles out of complete nowhere and that sparked a journey. Since then however, I ran away from it because I was afraid and Marzanna KNOWS it and she quite frankly doesn’t like it.

Why are you afraid? you all ask.

Let’s be real. Slavic neopaganism has PROBLEMS. And because of those problems, I made a choice in the end to follow Freyja’s advice and explore something else (Irish polytheism) I personally felt I couldn’t ‘belong’ because I am not from Eastern European culture. I have ethnic/ancestral ties yes, but I am American first. Rodnovery and Slavic neopaganism was literally BUILT on ethnic-nationalism and supremacy (don’t believe me? read a book) mostly in Ukraine and Russia I believe… but getting back to the point. I couldn’t compromise my love for the Gods with the toxic atmosphere and I took the cowardly way out.

It seems I’m always taking the cowardly way out huh?

I guess this is because for me personally, faith and community intertwine. It’s comforting to be apart of something and have people you have commodity with and I found that in Irish Polytheism. But lately The Morrigan and Freyja have been distant. It makes me wonder if the slavic gods stepping back in the picture has anything to do with this…

It’s now time to wait…

I also have made a “secret” blog on Tumblr about all this. If ya’ll are interested, here are two recent entries I wrote in there:

A month ago Marzanna was present in my dreams (strange, considering the time of year) and I decided to get a detailed reading from someone on the matter to see what her message for me was… as I myself am not a good diviner.

The reading eerily touched on a lot of issues without me giving any information or background to the diviner. Marzanna knew about my struggles with fitting in within slavic polytheism. She acknolwdged it and told me it will never get easier. However, she feels I am betraying myself, the Gods, and my ancestors by giving up.

My initial reaction was to wave it off because I was happy with where I was spiritually, but lately I’m feeling a fallow period between me, Morrigan, and Freyja… I feel no joy in my practice or devotion to them anymore. It may be depression and it may just be growth. Who knows :/

Gonna wait it out and see. SO I made this here blog in the mean time…

and

Had a dream last night of doing divination with Marzanna. I figured she had something to say when I woke up and remembered… and apparently she had quite a bit to say…

She’s knows I’m afraid.

However, she tells me I have fortune by my side and I am blessed. It’s time to come “home”. If I do this I will be at peace.

she had one last thing to say after the spread.

“I’ll be waiting…”

Thanks for reading.

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On Pleasing The Morrigan (NOTE: Potential UPG)

Lately The Morrigan hasn’t exactly been very pleased with my progress in our relationship and it’s really put a downer on me. While I knew what I was getting myself into when welcoming her into my life, I never understood at the time the emotional toll it would potentially take on me. It’s not comforting at all feeling like you’re letting your Gods down… and lately I feel like a failure.

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The Morrigan in my experience doesn’t want ‘cute’ and fancy gifts as offerings. I find personally she could care less about the devotional art I do for her. What she DOES want is constant, consistent growth and change and I personally haven’t been putting my best foot forward lately. The Morrigan also requires constant attention and devotion and it’s proved challenging due to physical and mental health limitation as well as figuring out what she generally likes. I personally haven’t figured out any good devotional activities for her yet, so it’ll be interesting to see what I discover along the way through trial and error. As someone currently on a journey to lose extra weight and get healthy, I figure I can devote clean eating and exercising to her. It however feels like a cop-out though because it’s generally more for ME than her. But I digress…

The good news is after divining messages from her namesake tonight, she encouraged me that change is coming soon and I should celebrate. The Morrigan is a tough goddess but she is not cruel. I realize as I type this that while she is overbearing, she still empowers us in her own way. It’s a matter of us getting up when we fall and she’s not going to do it for us. Sometimes we have to get up by ourselves in order to grow as stronger people.

I feel a bit better after her encouragement tonight even if she basically handed my ass to me at first. If I can say one thing, I respect Morrigan’s no-bullshit honesty. I like the fact she doesn’t sugar coat things and tells me to my face… something people have failed me on in the past. The Morrigan isn’t for everyone granted, but if you can handle her blunt attitude it’s ultimately rewarding. For me, she inspires me to be the best I can be and that’s all I can ask for.

 

 

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Spiritual Musings: Be Yourself.

Hi everyone, I am home from Boston and I had a blast!! I’ll make a post about it later this week, however I wanted to talk a bit about the Gods and our relationship with them. As the title says, you should ‘be yourself’ and while I pondered on this today I figured out exactly why. When people start out on the polytheist path, they often stress (like I did) on finding their ‘patron’ deities. People are often ‘chosen’ by various deities, however there are cases where we ourselves find them. That’s completely alright.

I don’t mean to toot my own horn, I really don’t… however I myself, was chosen by two very powerful deities: Freyja and The Morrigan. I personally didn’t understand why for a good few years and often ran away from them and their call. However as I learned to finally accept their blessings, I have found it’s very rewarding and humbling. But of course with great gods comes great responsibility. I often got scared about how I presented myself and worried about losing the favor and love of my gods. Today I finally realized that won’t happen, because they love me for ME.

And that my friends, is the lesson.

If you want to find that special connection with deity you ever so crave, be yourself. Trust me, there will be times where a deity comes to you and you’ll go “who, this me?” or even outright reject them because it wasn’t who you expected or wanted (which when you think about it, it’s a problematic mindset. The gods aren’t collectables) But trust me when I say there is a reason for it. You were most likely ‘chosen’ because you are compatible with said deity. It’s JUST like making friends. There will also be times where a deity will approach you because they just want something from you. That is normal, and it is OK to say ‘no’. JUST throwing that out there. When it’s a relationship that’s ‘meant to be’ you’ll know. They will tell you in their own way.

Anyways, the lesson here I learned is stop stressin’ and be who you are naturally. Because the Gods love you that way and don’t want it any other way. Change for the better… but don’t change who you are as a person.

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Safe Travels

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May the ancestors keep us safe on our journey.

See ya’ll in a week!

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