Initially I wanted to keep this a secret and I’ve been keeping it a secret for a while now. However, I feel my followers (all 4 of you lol) deserve to know whats going on… or at least let me get this out for some peace of mind.
Veles and Marzanna, mostly Marzanna, have come back into my life. I’ve been receiving recurring dreams with Marzanna to get a message across to me and that message itself is a calling to come back “home”.
What is “home”?
Two years ago I dived into slavic polytheism pretty hardcore. I was initially “called” by Veles out of complete nowhere and that sparked a journey. Since then however, I ran away from it because I was afraid and Marzanna KNOWS it and she quite frankly doesn’t like it.
Why are you afraid? you all ask.
Let’s be real. Slavic neopaganism has PROBLEMS. And because of those problems, I made a choice in the end to follow Freyja’s advice and explore something else (Irish polytheism) I personally felt I couldn’t ‘belong’ because I am not from Eastern European culture. I have ethnic/ancestral ties yes, but I am American first. Rodnovery and Slavic neopaganism was literally BUILT on ethnic-nationalism and supremacy (don’t believe me? read a book) mostly in Ukraine and Russia I believe… but getting back to the point. I couldn’t compromise my love for the Gods with the toxic atmosphere and I took the cowardly way out.
It seems I’m always taking the cowardly way out huh?
I guess this is because for me personally, faith and community intertwine. It’s comforting to be apart of something and have people you have commodity with and I found that in Irish Polytheism. But lately The Morrigan and Freyja have been distant. It makes me wonder if the slavic gods stepping back in the picture has anything to do with this…
It’s now time to wait…
I also have made a “secret” blog on Tumblr about all this. If ya’ll are interested, here are two recent entries I wrote in there:
A month ago Marzanna was present in my dreams (strange, considering the time of year) and I decided to get a detailed reading from someone on the matter to see what her message for me was… as I myself am not a good diviner.
The reading eerily touched on a lot of issues without me giving any information or background to the diviner. Marzanna knew about my struggles with fitting in within slavic polytheism. She acknolwdged it and told me it will never get easier. However, she feels I am betraying myself, the Gods, and my ancestors by giving up.
My initial reaction was to wave it off because I was happy with where I was spiritually, but lately I’m feeling a fallow period between me, Morrigan, and Freyja… I feel no joy in my practice or devotion to them anymore. It may be depression and it may just be growth. Who knows
Gonna wait it out and see. SO I made this here blog in the mean time…
Had a dream last night of doing divination with Marzanna. I figured she had something to say when I woke up and remembered… and apparently she had quite a bit to say…
She’s knows I’m afraid.
However, she tells me I have fortune by my side and I am blessed. It’s time to come “home”. If I do this I will be at peace.
she had one last thing to say after the spread.
“I’ll be waiting…”
Thanks for reading.